In My Head

the beautiful lyrics to Tangled up in you by Staind your my world the shelter for the rain your the pills that take away my pain your the light that helps me find my way your the words when i have nothing to say in this world where nothing else is true here I am still tangled up in you i am still tangled up in you still tangled up in you your the fire that warms me when I'm cold your the hand i have to hold as i get old your the shore when i am lost at sea your the only thing that i like about me in this world where nothing else is true here i am here I am still tangled up in you i am still tangled up in you how long has it been since this story like began and i hope it never ends and goes like this forever in this world where nothing else is true here I am still tangled up in you i am still tangled up in you still tangled up in you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22hvEdaPSMs

A Broken Eye Still Cries - Marsha Elliott 3 am and I am wide awake. My pain tonight is bringing tears to my eyes but it probably more to do with my lack of sleep. Tonight Carlee is coughing and isn't sleeping either. She refuses to take medicine and her fever isn't high enough for the ER. My fear of a sick child wont allow me to sleep therefore I have to deal with the pain of my neck. Empty darkness bring nothing but thought. Thoughts of pain. As I lay still trying to catch a wink I can almost feel the exact pain, start and finish. I can physically put my finger on it, which is weird. Most of the time it's so general because I am adjusting whatever position I am in to comfort myself. I can actually feel the tingling in my fingers that I thought was just in my head and I know now that it's real. I think it's funny how endorphins from everyday life shield your brain from feeling pain, but am grateful that it does. I laid for a while with tears rolling down the side of...

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c'mon skinny love just last the year pour a little salt we were never here my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer i tell my love to wreck it all cut out all the ropes and let me fall my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my right in the moment this order's tall i told you to be patient i told you to be fine i told you to be balanced i told you to be kind in the morning i'll be with you but it will be a different "kind" i'll be holding all the tickets and you'll be owning all the fines c'mon skinny love what happened here suckle on the hope in lite brazziere my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my sullen load is full; so slow on the split i told you to be patient i told you to be fine i told you to be balanced i told you to be kind now all your love is wasted? then who the hell was I? now i'm breaking at the britches and at the end of all your lines who will love you? who will fight? who will fall far behind?

Is it possible to bottle pain? If I could I would give the driver who decided to drive drunk the night of February 28th 2009 everyday for the next year. Then, I would ask him to live with it. This last year I have had to live with pain that is unspeakable. It taked more than one 2 hour deposition to explain what happened from the moment he hit us to now. I have been humiliated at my job, having to sit for weeks with a black eye while checking hundres of patients in on a daily basis looking at you with questions and sympathy in thier eyes. Months of therapy, moment of hope when the pain goes away followed by a day of pain again that humbles you to tears. Along with all the other life obstacles throwing in pain is unfair. Not being able to pick up you beautiful child when she runs to you after a day away from you with out thinking about how much it's going to hurt is not fair. Sitting through a 2 hour class with out feeling like you can't stand up when class is out is not ...

rising early to board a flight I was terrified. i had never ridin in a plane that held less that 50 passengers. i thought again about my kids and what they would do without me. Who would be their replacement? i kissed both kids before i left and headed to the airport. i knew there was a reason i was suppose to go these people had gone week after week with no hiccup... i can do this! the flight there was awesome the plains of Oklahoma looked like slate tiles on a museum floor, all colors differently in a time like uniform style each marking the miles of land. most all of the towards the outer city had a circle outlined in a square from the crop irrigation systems. it was amazing.. we got there in about 40 minutes and got off to be greeted by a old beat up blue suburban.. we all laughed the girl were excited to introduce me to the country ways we had just stepped into. this old blue suburbans headliner touched our heads as we road to clinic. the doors squeaked and opened with a hard meta...

After going to Christin's funeral I was compelled to plan my own. I found a check list for planning a funeral, and well, here is what I want 1. Will it be a funeral or a memorial service? I want a memorial service. I don't want my body lying in front of a crowd of people weeping over me but a crowd of people gathered enjoying their time together just as if I was there. After this gathering with music and people talking as I know they will. I want to be buried, not cremated. I want a place where my children can come and talk to me when they feel lonely. 2. An obituary is needed to be written. And I want my children to do it. I want to be remembered through their memories of me and the love I gave them because that is the most important to me. 3. Are you going to use a casket for the body, or will there be a cremation? Ideas on caskets and urns. I DO NOT WANT TO BE CREMATED UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. I don't have any casket ideas, I will already be gone from my body and ...