3 am Body Shock

A Broken Eye Still Cries - Marsha Elliott

3 am and I am wide awake.

My pain tonight is bringing tears to my eyes but it probably more to do with my lack of sleep. Tonight Carlee is coughing and isn't sleeping either. She refuses to take medicine and her fever isn't high enough for the ER. My fear of a sick child wont allow me to sleep therefore I have to deal with the pain of my neck.

Empty darkness bring nothing but thought. Thoughts of pain. As I lay still trying to catch a wink I can almost feel the exact pain, start and finish. I can physically put my finger on it, which is weird. Most of the time it's so general because I am adjusting whatever position I am in to comfort myself. I can actually feel the tingling in my fingers that I thought was just in my head and I know now that it's real. I think it's funny how endorphins from everyday life shield your brain from feeling pain, but am grateful that it does. I laid for a while with tears rolling down the side of my face into my ears then finally relieved myself by getting out of bed. This 3 am body shock makes be finally, truly humbled. I am so frustrated and ready to get help.

Physical pain had ran so much of my adult life it's amazing I'm not crazy. I dealt with years of pain from endometriosis, 7 years to be exact until I had my hysterectomy and a year later pain was again a part of my everyday life. I would love to say pain and I are friends but it is quite the opposite.