To Jared
Finally I can breathe and tell you this!! I have had this saved in my notes since the beginning of December with the intention to send it to you - but now it seems so silly since I have moved out and I am trying to move on. You can't send things like this to someone when you are standing where I am standing but as I read through them the thought are so raw. Maybe one day he should see them.
Hey Jared,
Things I’ll leave you with:
- First of all, no one will ever love you like I have loved you.
- Although you say that communication is something you do well, it really isn’t. You tend to be a “right fighter” often not active listening to the conversation. When someone is voicing their concerns to you or has something to say you are getting defensive and already starting to rebuttle in your head, then missing out on listening (really listening) to key points of the conversation.
- Or you have actually fallen asleep when I’m talking. If anyone were to do that you, you would lose your mind.
- The phrase “I don’t mean to be a dick” is an automatic warning to everyone that your about to be a dick - just saying.
- Listen more. You like to talk. Alot. Even when you ask people to talk to you it’s aggressive and doesn’t come across as sincere and inviting and therefore they don’t talk. I do t know how many times you ask me to talk to you more but for someone like me who had issues with sharing my feelings you weren’t a safe place to land. But now I know why.
- Cheating on someone and continuing to lie about it is not a good look. You’re a cheater Jared. So all those this that the previous person said about you on that website that you insisted wasn’t true….. it makes sense now why it bothered you so bad. I have caught you several times and not said anything shame on me for not saying anything. My rose colored glasses constantly excused your bad behavior. You’re a liar and you’re a cheat. Two of the most awful things to be.
- You can eat all the healthy food you want to eat but if you’re still a disgusting human being to others and holding in lies and secrets with you, you will stay a disgusting human being.
- You’re not approachable if you want to know why I never followed up on things. (Lacking listening skills and empathy)
- Definition of lacking empathy- the inability or failure to understand, share, or respond to the feelings, thoughts, or experiences of another person. (Maybe this was just with me
) - It shows as insensitivity towards others' emotions or situations.
- When somebody asks you how your day is going. You might want to ask them how their day is going, then listen, really listen to them. When you don’t converse and just talk about you, you sound self-absorbed.
- When we first started dating, you commented on my consistency and appreciated it. Now I see you might have appreciated it but you didn’t respect me for it.
- You need to consider some mental health evaluation for your past traumas. I think this will be good for you. You seem manic at times. If not, you’re never gonna have a relationship that you want with your kids or anyone for that matter in your life and you truly will be dead soon because your stress is going to get to you.
- I would have never run out of love for you, ever.
- I would’ve never fallen out of love with you, I still haven’t.
- I got excited everyday to get off work to be home with you EVERY SINGLE DAY, I got excited to wake up to be with you EVERY DAY, I got excited to be able to share weekends with you. You were my best friend.
- If you would have put the effort you put outside of our relationship into our relationship it would have worked.
- You’re not who you say you are. You will disagree with me on this and say it’s because you hurt and you put on a face at work and not at home blah blah blah. But you don’t allow anyone else to feel like you do, yours is always worse. If how they deal with it isn’t what you deal with something then it’s wrong.
- If it’s true what you say there is no way you and her are in love. Again you’re lying to yourself and you don’t know what love is. You’ve already been dishonest with her. You like to talk about relationships that start out with lies and cheating how it will never work. Here you go!
- You lie without flinching - literally from the beginning of our relationship all the way til the end- you’re a liar.
- This isn’t how I pictured any of this - you have hurt my heart so bad.
- And if you ever miss me, remember that I am as far away as you pushed me. I didn’t wake up one morning and decide to leave. I stayed as long as I could and gave as much as I had. I pet, rubbed, massaged, put lotion on, plucked, shaved, waxed and tended to you every wish but you kept pushing me further each time you turned your back on me.
- I would have taken care of you til the end, when you feared the worst possible outcome like losing your eye, remember that planned and loved you, i wanted to love you through it.
- You didn’t have the same patience for me when I was sick or hurting
- You had so many chances to hold me closer, yet you let each chance slip away like it didn’t matter.
- You had all of me, but you treated my love like it was nothing. You didn’t even try to fight for me, or for yourself, or for us for the kids. We were so good for the kids.
- Let it teach you that love will not survive when it is not cared for. You have to make sacrifices. Sometimes that sacrifice is your old ways, to have love.
- If one day you feel me being gone, remember that it was your actions , we could have made this til death.
- You have really hung on two thing I said to you in the last month. That your “selfish” and that your “sorry’s don’t mean anything”, I thought a lot about why you keep bringing those 2 things up it’s Probably because you feel or your insecure about being those things. You haven’t always been selfish but you made the ultimate selfish act in a relationship by cheating. And when I said your sorrys didn’t mean anything it was because you literally fell asleep while I was talking to you. I don’t care how tired you were. I obviously have more respect for you than you do for me, we can see that but falling asleep when someone is crying and talking about what they feel is important, even though you don’t is just mean. And looks selfish.
- Unfriending me really? I haven’t done anything to deserve this Jared. You’re treating me like I’m some crazy ex girlfriend. I’m not allowed to make a boasting comment on your kids Facebook post?? Wasn’t that the intention for you posting it? Or was it only for the people you want it to be for? I don’t understand how showing love for your kid is too much. But it’s fine. You can’t paint whatever picture you want to for Facebook I was never apart of your “real” life anyways.
- I’m humiliated by your actions. I feel like a fool. I’m again so embarrassed. You and her have made me a laughing stock. She felt so bad for you that you had to stay in the same house as me? Why? What did you tell her? Lies?
- I feel like a failure and I would love to tell someone about it but my best friend isn’t my best friend anymore.
- You didn’t just cheat on me, you announced to the world that I wasn’t good enough.
- Hurt, betrayal, disappointment, frustration, disgust, resentment, anger, and sadness, it’s exhausting and I feel like I’m losing my mind.
- I needed you to stay for more conversations, more of the serious conversations, towards the end every time it was time to get down to the nitty-gritty you were always someplace else. I wasn’t priority. I can’t remember a time when I was. When you talked, I stayed I listened. I never walked away. I looked at you in the eyes and I heard every word you said, and I wanted to finish that conversation until it was resolved and I needed that from you.
- I never needed perfection. Just honesty. Your couldn’t give that.
- Your thank you’s suck, even after I left you with the Internet for a a week, I never got a thank you. Not that I’m looking for. Thank you. But let’s be honest when I look back you literally never said it not once. Once again, proving my point. Exactly. suck less.
And finally, I love you so much I’m going to leave you alone, I’m going let do what you want, with who you want. That is what true love.
Strong word but…
With love - not that kind of love anymore - but love............ - Michelle
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