Today was a very trying day for me. I woke up at 3 am this am in pain that I wish I could explain. It makes my knees weak and I want to scream but I have two children sleeping. I decided to eat a pear and take some pain medicine and try to pray although I wan't able talk I was speaking to him through my begging really for some relief. I wonnder sometimes if there is a breaking point for me and how close to it I am. The fasting is not breaking me as much as the pain is right now.
I will say it is hard to fix my kids something for dinner and make myself something else. This evening for dinner I wasn't able to stand up, talk, let alone make decisions for the kids or any housework, I was on the couch crying for 2 hours til Clayton came over and brought me my pain medication because I couldn't even get to it. I them slept for another hours or 2 til it kicked in. He forced me to eat food he had bought and insists that my health is not in a great condition to be doing a fast at this time. I agreed at the time but will resume tomorrow. I just ate some chips and queso and loaded potato loco things from Taco Mayo, no soda though.......
So if you are reading this extra prayers are needed, the pain is nearly unbearable. I need to call my counselor tomorrow because I am getting that un willing to want to move forward, get better, get out of bed, just a general bad depression...................
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