In the shadows of my smile there is a emptiness. Its always hide the truth. The truth that there is fear inside of me that wont go away. I want to run away from the darkness but here is no light to help show me the way. I want to be able to make someone happy but i can't becasue I am not happy. So I hurt people, not intentionally. My wants take over in an attempt to make things great. Then the truth sets in and I start to crumble. I never thought at 30 I would feel this helpless emotionally. The only thing I do know daily is that I live for my kids. If this means I am alone forever then so be it. I often wonder if I was made to be alone. It doesn't scare me to be alone and that bothers people. I tend to run when I cant read my feelings. I runaway from people who care. They and up hurt and it isn't fair. I am sorry to everyone I have hurt. I am sorry for not understanding me and I refuse to do it anymore.
I havent always been like this but after being laid in front of a runaway train and left alone to recover this soul is broken.
Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI am so incredibly sorry for the way that you feel. I honestly wish I could take it away somehow, like with an eraser or answer. I pray for your often, seriously. I have learned that God sometimes DOES give us more than our physical selves can handle so that we will lean on Him. I still struggle with that. I have a pit in my stomach so much of the time. It seems like you do have an amazing support system, know that you ARE loved and cared for.
praying for you,
Kendra