In My Head

the things I don't talk about that I want are a smile a genuine smile. i don't want to look back and cry I want to find the "one" and not let go I want them to not let me go. I don't want to be the queen, I want to be a best friend and lover for til my life ends. I don't want him to let me go and I will not let him go. I want to fall apart and come back together over and over again til I die. I don't want it to be easy I want it to make me work that is what love is all about, I want to see our future when i look at him every time . I want a supporter, and a forgiving soul, someone who loves me for everything I am, have been and will be, not what they can make me. These are all things I don't talk about because they scare guys off......

why does this seem like my fault? why am i being punished? I am always pushed to my knees to learn some lesson that I have already learned. I have been here, I have done this before I have been alone, and raised a child. I don't want him back. I want that okay feeling back though. I had finally learned to stand proud and alone and let someone in to stand by me. I wanted that though, i guess. i just never thought it would end, and end so heart wrenching. its hard to express in words the way i feel. I usually just don't . I don't sleep, this isn't healthy......... I need a vacation, a honest vacation.. I wish this idiot and his insurance company would settle for a decent amount. Why am I taking 12 hours next semester? I am doing the same ting I did with Tony when he was a baby, being away....... I worked so much when he was a baby and didn't get to watch him grow up, I watched what once was this young strong determined woman grow fast into a old withered, bi...

This is my video/music for today..................... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIb_juJjG8w Why is that just whe you get a taste of happiness it is taken away, that hope comes back around and ends up being crushed again............ I want to give up on it all..............it has to get better, has too.