My Chaotic Art

My life is my chaotic art. I stay busy to stay moving and not thinking.

This crazy oval I call my head is full of chaos that keeps me motivated.

I hide all my fears there right next to my faith. i fear that I am

not a good enough mother for my children.

My faith tells me I am and I hear it often.

I see the problems I have with relationships and wonder where I go wrong.

Just a glimpse of my crazy week shows how I leave no time to think.

Monday:

up at 4am, pack for the day, load kids up

drive to Doug's to watch his kids while he is at boot camp

ready for work, leave at 645am

drive to daycare, drop kids off

drive to work

at work at 730 til 4

grab a bit to eat

school at 5-720, got there early

drive to Newcastle to pick up kids

make car payment

drive home

bathes for both kids

Tony 's dad came over for about 30 minutes to see Tony and get his Father's Day present

kids to bed

homework til 11

lots of laundry

Finally in bed at 1am

Tuesday:

up at 6am, ready for work, load kids up

drive to daycare, drop kids off
drive to work
at work at 8 til 5

drive and pick up kids

got call to work at SW Medical Center tomorrow

tumbling for Carlee at 6-7

grab a bite to eat

drive home

bathes for both kids

kids in bed

pack Carlee for her dad's house

Eric stopped by to see Carlee and get his Father's Day present

one more load of laundry

lay out clothes for Wednesday

straighten house, won't be home much the next 5 days

still up at 1215

Plans for Wednesday:

up at 6am

out of the house at 645

drive to drop kids off at daycare

drive to SW medical center

work from 8-12 there

drive to central to finish the day from 1-4

meet attorney to start divorce paperwork again at 415

school from 5-720

have dinner with a friend

hopefully in bed early... probaly not

I just don't know where I find the time to do things like air up my tire, get gas, make appointments for the kids for the doctors, do homework, study for mid term, get groceries, exercise, read, put the laundry up now that it is all washed, take the clean dishes out of the dish washer. i am the only one here, I am the only one that can do it, and the only on that will. i run on 2-3 hours of sleep a day. it gets easier I know I have seen it, or does it get easier to deal with because I have no choice.

I am so sick of people judging me when they think they know what I am doing, I am sick of being around negative people who aren't supportive of me. I am sick of hearing it isn't about me it's about the kids, because it is about me. I am their mother and without me, they are not who they are, I am their only mother and i cannot be replaced. My kids are my life regardless of what you think I will fight for them and I will fight for myself. This is me standing my ground and if it is going to hurt you then you need to change yourself. i am not a bad person just a bad ass mother done dealing with the BS.

I have forgiven those who have hurt me and forgiven myself for my wrongs.

And chose to be around people who are going to better

me as a person and add greatness to my life.

You must have these qualities to be apart of our lives.

~MICHELLE