In My Head

When you drink When you do it to relax but the opposite actually happens. When you drink I get stressed. When you drink I hurt. When you drink you aren't the person I fell in love with. You drink to forget your problems and they really surface. When you drink it's not attractive. When you drink you want to love on me but I'm sad. No one feels loved when they are sad. When you drink I lose faith. When you drink I wonder why we couldn't have just talked. When you drink I'm lonely. When you drink you text my best friend and make inappropriate advances to her and when you're sober you wonder why we don't go over there. When you drink you say things to other women I'm not ok with. If I did these things you would have been gone a long time ago. When you drink I don't drink because it's not fun anymore. You're a sad drunk, an angry drunk I'm a happy drunk.

Life is good It's been years since I've blogged and I missed it. I miss having a place to voice my thoughts. I had a lot of changes in 2014. Another neck surgery, I quit working at the Heart Hospital, loooong painful recovery, and got a new job! Luckily change doesn't bother me. I've learned over the years to roll with the punches. I was blessed with Clayton in my life, he's been my rock. He's helped me cope with pain unbearable to the point I can barely take care of myself let alone him or my kids. He's patient, kind and loving. More than I've ever deserved. God sent me an angel in my darkest hours, for sure. Tony is 17 now. Teenagers are a mother's true test at motherhood. They make toddlers look like a walk in the park. He mouthy, opinionated, lazy, and smelly. I love him dearly and I'm glad this is just a phase. Thankfully I get nothing but compliments from others when he is away from me. At least I can say he learned something......

Can't complain about 2011. This year has been great. In January of this year I began a journey that I am most proud of. I started 2011 off with the 21 Day Daniel Fast along side my LifeChurch.tv family. I prayed for healing, my neck pain was so unbearable I was nearly unable to get out of bed most days. I was severly depressed and felt hopeless. In February my prayers were beginning to be answered. I was baptized in February. Tony turned 13 in March, man how time flies. He has completely outgrown me. He measured in at 5 foot 6 and 160 pounds. What a blessing he is to my heart. In May, I was rolled into surgery and my neck was healed. I spent the months following my surgery praising God for answered prayers. I know my God has an amazing plan for me. In August, I got to see some of God's creations up close and personal. I went on a cruise to Cozumel and Calica. Alot of my time I was in sheer awe. Then in September my sweet little girl, Carlee turned 4 years old. She i...

- ()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()() What a big girl!!! My little angel is 4 going on 14. She is the sweetest, smartest little girl> I am so blessed to have such a shining star in my life. I look forward to watching her grow up. This week she learned to ride her bike with no training wheels, it's amazing. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ And Tony, this kids is amazing. Tony and his ADHD have battled for years, causing him to lack in social skills, constantly struggle in academics and also struggling with just everyday life as a kid. We finally found an amazing doctor that has adjusted Tony's medication to perfection. The last two weeks I have seen a side of him that I have never seen. He is focused, determined, learning and on task. It's great to feel the relief as a mother of watching him simply be able to sit and read a book it. I am finally free from the year...

O Lord my God, I cried out to You, And You healed me. I am healed because I believed. It is true that if you cry out to the Lord he does listen.Let this be my testimony.

For 2 years I have been fighting for someone, a doctor, to listen to me. I prayed for God to bless me with a dr that has healing hands and that is willing to help me. At the first of the year I did a 21 day spiritual fast for this reason. Praying to God many times a day. I believe that Dr Fong was brought into my life to heal me. I am on a new a better playing field with Christ. He provides for me when I am stressed about financial situations. I have learned to pray differently. I now pray for thanks in advance because I know through Him it is all possible. I don't beg for things I want anymore. We communicate daily. He offers me assurance and faith that all will unravel to my advantage as long I stick to his word. With this happening I have learned to trust again. I have learned to speak to my child in a way that is through God's word. I pray more for others and offer them the tools that I have after I have used them so that they too may have the relationship I have with him...

This weekend was weird, encouraging, inspiring and constructive. Weird because on Friday my ex husband got married. I think the main reason it was weird for me to deal with is because in my mind marriage is something I don't think I will do again. I suffer many months of crying, trying and being deposed acted our marriage and I don't believe he did. I lost something that I thought was a definite part of my life til the day I die. Instead of a death of a person It was the death of a relationship. I'm scared for my daughters ability to adjust. Something I am entitled to feel as a mother. I honestly thought his relationship with his daughter was his number one priority, but dont believe that to be true now. Encouraging because the Officer Chad Peery Benefit was held in Friday night. To see the profound amount of people who showed up to support, encourage, and be willing to help Chad and his family during this amazing event was breath taking. All the people that were involve ...