Closer to 2010

We are creeping closer to 2010 and boy am I ready. I can't wait to see what it hold for me. 2009 is ending with great people and change. I am optomistic. More so than I have been in more than a year. Come on 2010 !!!!!!!

A very personal assignment

This is a argumentative paper I had to write and I chose to write about my experience in my first full semester of school:

Taking the walk from the back of the parking lot into a college classroom was not quite what I saw myself doing 11 years ago when I was graduating high school. My back was packed with only two of the four books I needed for this semester because I couldn’t afford them. I held me head down half way into school feeling discouraged and disappointed in what my life had lead too. I still hadn’t quite figured out how I was going to pull of working 40 hours a week, 12 hours this semester and two precious kids that need me all the time. The second half for the walk to class I raised me head and gave myself a pep talk. I was doing the right thing. I was at least setting an example for my 11 year old child to persevere, no matter how old you are. Going to school meant spending less time with my kids, and more time on my education, but our future. Deciding to go back to college was sacrificing quality time with my family but ensuring our future of success.
Continuing my education in the medical field has bee a dream of mine since I can remember. I was a single mother at 17 years old unsure of what to do after high school. I started on my path and got discouraged. I never finished school and was a struggling single mother for 8 years. I met my ex husband and when we got married decided to let him so to college to pursue a career in the medical field with the intent to go back to school after he finished. It never happened. Again, I had let someone stop me from my dream. We divorced and I decided to stop living for other people and in shadows and start casting shadows. I enrolled in school as a freshman, frustrating in itself. I was very surprised in the enrollment for the first semester of my on campus experience. Due to the recent economy drop the enrollment in college courses and adults continuing their education was at a record high. I was in classroom filled with students that were my age, people that I could relate with. I struggled in the first half of the semester with making arrangements for my kids while I was at school in the evening. I had to answer a lot of uncertain questions as to how I was going to do it. Who was going to watch the kids? When would I study? The days I didn’t know the answers I didn’t get discouraged I prayed it would work out and remained calm. I knew if I let the stress of it get to me I wouldn’t be back again for the next semester. The second half of the semester my family and friends and the kids’ fathers seemed to start to realize I was serious. The days I would wake up and wonder how it would work out went away. My kids adjusted to my new schedule and my new confidence about my education adventure.
My opponents in my game of life where not entertained at the fact that I was leaving my 2 year old daughter, Carlee, without me more than she was with me. My father took on the role of leading parental figure in Carlee’s life. He assured me it was the right thing to do but Carlee’s father and grandmother disagreed. They didn’t under stand how I could leave her for so long through out the day and not miss her. I did miss her and my son so much. They asked often why Tony, my 11 year old son, wasn’t playing baseball this season. There was no way I could fit that in my already crunched schedule. It was true my son was missing a very vital part of his life but he has been playing every season of baseball since he was 3 year old. He was starting to not show interest as much anymore anyways. The question remained though, how was I going to juggle being a quality parent to two kids and continue to be a student and get the education I need. My daughter’s grandmother was a single mother of 3 goys who never got help from anyone raising her children. My case was quite different. I had my parents who supported my fully going to school. They agreed to get my kids from school everyday. I would have to be crazy to say “No.”
I believe that going to school and showing my children that education is important. I believe that leading my children by example, and showing them that college is a priority is considered necessary when I expect then later in life to make the same choice. I believe that I can still be a quality parent to my children and be a great student. I believe that children that are raised by parents, who work hard for what the have and see the journey, appreciate their parents more.
I also believe that as I wrap up the semester I miss being home with my kids in the evenings to cook dinner. I miss watching my son play baseball. I want my daughter to get into dance and I want to take her. I want to help with homework at night. I don’t want to miss any part of their lives. I have found that my children long to make me proud just as I long to make them proud. With saying that I am making changes for next semester that will satisfy both my needs and desires and my children’s needs also. I see that in the future I will regret being with my kids for these little things and I don’t want to regret any part of my life. I don’t want me kids to remember their childhood without me around, and I want to keep them young in my mind.

So, for next semester I have decided to find a part time job and continue to go school full time. And my parents insisted that I move in with them to save money and make it convenient for the kids to get to and from school. This will allow me to take classes in the day time and work either on the weekends. I will be home in time for dinner, homework and bathes. Travel time per day will be cut down by 2 hours a day and rent almost completely to nothing per month. My kids will be spending more time doing extra curricular activities which will benefit then in the long run and make then happier kids. It took a semester of stress and will power to figure out what was important for both my children and I, but I believe that next semester will show the real success of compromise and determination.

A Whole Bunch of Nothing

Just wanting to blog because I haven't in a while. It's 1247am and I am still up. I stopped working on school work about an hour ago and am just listening to music. Trying to calm my head so I can sleep. I have so much on my mind and none of it makes any sense.

~Talked to an old friend that has gone through a recent heartbreaking loss tonight and it felt good to know he is okay.

~My English teacher really got me thinking tonight about my career path.

~Am I doing the right thing for my kids moving in eith my parents?

so many questions for the maker......... when will he answer?

Moving out!?!?!

I guess I am moving in with my parents. I want to pursue my dreams of continueing on in school and with two kids it's kinda hard. I am working full time, taking 12 hours this semester and it seems to be taking a toll. My parents are insisting that I move in with them to make things easier on me. I know it will be hard and trying but need a break and i need help and letting my parents help me is going to be the biggest gulp of pride I have had to swollow in a while but I have to do it